Barely Breathing
by ParvatiPatil13
Summary: When a West Wing staffer gets killed, his friends reflect on the impact he had on thier lives...from friendship to advice. This is not a song fic, but it contains parts of the song "As I Lay Me Down To Sleep". PLEASE R/R! BTW, This is my first time writin


Barely Breathing  
  
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"It feels like spring time, on this Feburary morning,  
  
in the courtyard, becuase they're singing you're phrase."  
  
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The snow fell peacfully on and around the bowing heads of the silent group surrounding the casket. As Sam Seaborn looked up into the sky to ask God why it had to happen again, why it had to result in death, a tear trickled down his cheek. One by one people approached to put a flower or charm on the casket. Sam looked over at Josh Lyman, watching his face. He had fell victim of the same incident 3 years ago, but he had lived. Sam knew Josh was taking the death of one of his closest friends very personally...almost as if it was his fault. "Maybe if I would have died the first time, they wouldn't have struck again." he had told quietly told Sam that early that morning, before the funeral. People began to walk away, holding and comforting eachother. Sam stayed behind, and walked up to the casket. Tears dripping down his face, Sam shakily placed a rugged New York Yankees cap andrubber bouncy ball on top of the flower arangment. He then backed away slowly, as if not wanting to leave his friend, then turned around to catch up with Josh.  
  
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I still remember the things you said to make me feel alright,  
  
I carry them with me today  
  
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As the line of cars pulled out of the cemetary, Leo McGarry looked out the window of his car. He closed his eyes and remembered the time he had came to work the night after getting drunk. Toby had seen it instantly and had came into Leo's office, with some coffee, asking if he wanted to talk about it. Leo had taken one suprising look into Toby's unusually concerned eyes, and spilled out everything that happened. It had been a big process for Leo, who was not known for being an open man. But, Toby had listened, and added words of advice wherever he could. Leo opened his eyes, thinking it had been odd, spilling out his confession to Toby, of all people. Leo had thought that Toby would be the last person he would have talked to about his problem, but he had been proven wrong that day. Toby had been just as concerned as the next man that day, and Leo would never forget it.  
  
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Now as I lay me down to sleep  
  
Yes I pray, that you will hold me dear,  
  
though I'm far away I'll whisper your name into the sky  
  
and I will wake up happy...I wonder why?  
  
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CJ Cregg opened the door to her house wearily. Not even bothering with changing, she kicked her shoes of and collapsed on her bed. She put her hands over her eyes and sobbed to herself. She felt the sorrow of losing the man she truley loved, and the anger towards the man who caused her to lose him. She never did get a chance to tell him how she felt. She picked up a picture on her night stand and looked at it closely. It was a picture of Toby and herself at the Christmas party that previous year. Toby was making his ever famous fraction of a smile while CJ was beaming away at the camera.  
  
CJ stood up, opened her sliding glass door, and walked out onto her balcony. She looked up into the now starry sky and whispered,"Toby, you told me you'd always be there for me. Remember? After Josh got shot and you comforted me? Where are you now? Toby...Toby, God, Toby you can't be gone!" she made a short, humorless laugh,"Who am I going to sing my songs to? Toby, who am I going to tease and flirt endlessly with for no reason?" Tears began to come much faster now, "Why did you have to be a damn fool and jump in front of me?!?" she screamed. CJ lowered her head. She raised it back up and remembered why she was still alive. She addressed God this time..."That bullet was aimed for me...so why did he die?"  
  
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I feel so high though I am not above the sorrow  
  
every morning when you called my name  
  
And it sounds like church bells, or the whistle of a train  
  
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Josh Lyman turned on his office lights and sat down heavily in his chair. He didn't quite know why he had came back to the office when everyone else had gone home, but for some reason he felt like he was closer to Toby when he was here. Josh lifted up his shirt and ran a finger over his own shot wound. He had believed that if the gunmen had finished killed him, they would not have struck again. Sam had told him it was not true, but Josh did not accept it. He remembered the scene perfectly.  
  
The West Wing staff was walking out of a special Valentine's Day party some members of Senate held at a local buffet. CJ was in front talking with Sam, the rest of the crew in tow. Just as Josh had watched Toby pause, watch his eyes widen in horror and screamed out "GUN!", shots rang everywhere. Toby had then jumped in front of CJ and took the bullet to the left part of his collar bone. The shooting stopped almost immideatly as the Secret Service mowed the gunners down. Josh had watched in horror as Toby grabbed onto Josh's shoulder for support, but, not being able to hold on, slid down to the ground. The paramedics came and had taken him to the hospital. Josh remembered sitting in the wating room with Leo, CJ, and Sam when the nurse came out and said that it was a fatal wound, and he would be gone in no more than an hour.  
  
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On a summer evening  
  
I am to meet you barefoot...barely breathing...  
  
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Later that night, the four friends met up at Toby's grave. They looked at eachother, not sure what to do next. They spent the rest of the night kneeling in front of the grave, praying and remembering the impact Toby had made on their lives. Minutes before he died, Toby was concious. His last words were suprisingly strong and meaningful, almost like he was not dying, but being reborn.  
  
"I spent most of my life chasing my dreams and trying to live life to the fullest. Thing is, I was damn lucky to be able to do it with you guys." 


End file.
